Since being an active sex provider, specifically an online adult webcam model, I’ve received numerous offers to take me “off the market” and out of my work with a promise to be the best man for me. That’s really cute and moderately flattering on odd numbered days, but surely there are more credible lustful proposals to use in explaining how I make your pants swell better than the last time.
In my curiosity, I’ve been researching how sex workers feel about their personal dating and romance experiences, as well as, any prospective or current partner they may have. What I’ve noticed is that women are more apt to consider an intimate relationship with someone in the adult entertainment industry than men are. Perhaps it’s because women may generally assume men have some sort of “cheating” gene and therefore can be more tolerant when sex happens due to the nature of the business. I think that women seem to be more emotionally mature, yet most likely to be insecure with self-image. Maybe women can be naturally more understanding and forgiving than men…Though many examples come to mind that doesn’t seem to fit that, lol…See what you think of the couple of the female-viewed articles here and there, regarding this subject.
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Men on the other hand, seem to experience similar apprehensions about dating a sex idol, but the demonstration of the insecurities appear to vary. I feel that it’s because men typically see women as property, even in these times when more men are wanting to be wooed like women; therefore getting mighty possessive of how much interaction goes on with pretty much anybody. I found a funny male-focused article, outlining 8 reasons not to date a porn star, that positively made me giggle because it was all about what other people think. Of course, we live here with each other, so I think it’s feasible to consider popular opinion, but I personally don’t take it in enough to distract me from experiencing pleasure and joy that feels authentic for me. Here’s another guy written piece that essentially sets up a platform for introspection.
I understand some real questions that could pop up like, “Is this how she is when she with those other dudes?”, “How can I tell when she’s being real verses faking?”, “What if he ends up liking it better with them than he does with me?” or “Will he be broke the fuck up after a day of fucking?” It can be a lot to process and frankly why bother with all the semantics? It would just be easier to deal with someone with a more conventional job. The funny thing about that is work is usually a means to an end. You can be intimately involved with an electrician, who happens to be a sex fiend and you never discover this is how they roll until later. Sure, s/he may not have footage for the world to see, but when those feelings are challenged, who cares?
Bottom line is, if you are engaging in chemistry stronger than you’ve felt before that has you feeling better than ever, then what’s the big deal? It’s about paying attention, like I would suggest with any other circumstance. It’s about allowing enjoyment verses letting one’s insecurities dictate how happiness ought to show up. When we limit the channels of pleasure, then we restrain the level of satisfaction available. I’m not saying go out here and marry you a porn star to brighten up your life, but do consider the person and the caliber of intimacy accessible within the experience.
As for me, I prefer to spend time with someone who understands and accepts me as a person and who allows me to enter into their world. I do enjoy my work and I intend to be in it for the long haul. Though my business is personal, there is just no way I would express the level of trust and closeness to my clients the way I would for my significant other. At the end of the day, it’s him I think about and smile. It’s only him that I want to do things with that I wouldn’t even consider doing with someone I’m doing a shoot with. It’s him that inspires me to do better at my work, as well as be an improved version of my total self. He knows my secrets, my responsibilities, my aspirations and fears. None of that can be covered in a 20 minute porn flick and who wants it to be?
I am worthy of my happy ending, just like anyone else, and so I claim it. I’m willing to put forth the effort of respect, loyalty and security; but no more than if I worked as a college professor. I refuse to apologize for the work I love and the popularity that comes with it. I understand the pseudo power of jealousy, how it can be a forceful motivator, but eventually it’ll run out of steam. We all have our preferences, I’m just recommending that they aren’t devised from fear.
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